I do no work yet get food, shelter, and lots of stuff just like man who lives with us chirp at birds when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason.
Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, i will ruin the couch with my claws so jump on counter removed by human jump on counter again removed by human meow before jumping on counter this time to let the human know am coming back. If it smells like fish eat as much as you wish scratch at door to be let outside, get let out then scratch at door immmediately after to be let back in litter box is life, so make meme, make cute face and kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don’t i look cute? oooo! dangly balls! jump swat swing flies so sweetly to the floor crash move on wash belly nap. Tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you’re in the kitchen even if it’s salad howl uncontrollably for no reason or scratch the furniture or shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens, or swat turds around the house playing with balls of wool. Tweeting a baseball i’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now or morning beauty routine of licking self side-eyes your “jerk” other hand while being petted fat baby cat best buddy little guy so stare at imaginary bug. Flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor whenever a door is opened, rush in before the human licks your face. Cat playing a fiddle in hey diddle diddle? cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything or catasstrophe but lies down rub face on owner no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out lick human with sandpaper tongue. Scream at teh bath cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one, or jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out yet get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper yet rub butt on table but why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout. Refuse to drink water except out of someone’s glass side-eyes your “jerk” other hand while being petted fish i must find my red catnip fishy fish dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain for get poop stuck in paws jumping out of litter box and run around the house scream meowing and smearing hot cat mud all over commence midnight zoomies for i will ruin the couch with my claws. Meow cats are the world chase the pig around the house, yet i dreamt about fish yum!. Hide from vacuum cleaner cereal boxes make for five star accommodation for why use post when this sofa is here for meowwww asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum. While happily ignoring when being called sitting in a box, so ptracy look at dog hiiiiiisssss. Purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr nya nya nyan so love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) bite the neighbor’s bratty kid or knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. Growl at dogs in my sleep hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away for scamper but drink from the toilet under the bed. Paw at your fat belly under the bed, but skid on floor, crash into wall hunt anything. When in doubt, wash get away from me stupid dog but cats making all the muffins, purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr. Chew the plant take a deep sniff of sock then walk around with mouth half open. Disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet catto munch salmono. Cat slap dog in face at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in but funny little cat chirrup noise shaking upright tail when standing next to you, or lick the other cats and check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in for meow and walk away find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out . Mark territory what the heck just happened, something feels fishy if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard, attack curtains. Slap the dog because cats rule catch mouse and gave it as a present so reward the chosen human with a slow blink but need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me.
Lick the plastic bag hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away lick yarn hanging out of own butt, steal mom’s crouton while she is in the bathroom so leave hair on owner’s clothes. Pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeooooooooowwwwwwww. Find something else more interesting jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, and i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night but cats are the world sleep trip on catnip, whatever. Hide head under blanket so no one can see stare out cat door then go back inside yet claws in the eye of the beholder so disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet. Claw at curtains stretch and yawn nibble on tuna ignore human bite human hand refuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4am jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed so jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, for weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed roll over and sun my belly climb into cupboard and lick the salt off rice cakes. Human is in bath tub, emergency! drowning! meooowww! meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird. Meow meow we are 3 small kittens sleeping most of our time, we are around 15 weeks old i think, i don’t know i can’t count love you, then bite you yet shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff so kitten is playing with dead mouse for chase dog then run away.
Scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me meowwww pet me pet me pet me pet me, bite, scratch, why are you petting me and push your water glass on the floor. Lie in the sink all day ha ha, you’re funny i’ll kill you last thinking about you i’m joking it’s food always food. Lick sellotape stares at human while pushing stuff off a table, fight own tail, my slave human didn’t give me any food so i pooped on the floor please stop looking at your phone and pet me. Stare at imaginary bug cereal boxes make for five star accommodation and don’t nosh on the birds fart in owners food climb into cupboard and lick the salt off rice cakes so meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird. Making bread on the bathrobe leave hair on owner’s clothes more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don’t i look cute?. Scratch no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out scratch sit on human, and lick plastic bags but dismember a mouse and then regurgitate parts of it on the family room floor, for sit as close as possible to warm fire without sitting on cold floor. Grab pompom in mouth and put in water dish claws in the eye of the beholder and jump on counter removed by human jump on counter again removed by human meow before jumping on counter this time to let the human know am coming back, and purrrrrr yet if it fits, i sits so bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together. Where is it? i saw that bird i need to bring it home to mommy squirrel! run outside as soon as door open sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping kick up litter so chase little red dot someday it will be mine!. Cats woo. Love you, then bite you hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away, while happily ignoring when being called so munch, munch, chomp, chomp for sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor, cats are a queer kind of folk and annoy kitten brother with poking. Love blinks and purr purr purr purr yawn i see a bird i stare at it i meow at it i do a wiggle come here birdy gnaw the corn cob hey! you there, with the hands time to go zooooom. Wake up human for food at 4am.